Surviving the Loss of Love

Whether the ending of the relationship occurred last week, last year, or you are in the midst of the break-up now, the loss of love that occurs when an important relationship ends (whether by your choice, his/hers, or mutual decision) can be as emotionally devastating for some people as the loss of a loved one through death.

Although most people endure some emotional turmoil at the ending of an actual or possible love relationship, for some the negative emotions are particularly intense and continue for extended periods of time. These feelings can interfere with the person’s daily life. Sometimes people have trouble sleeping or concentrating on their studies and don't know how to stop thinking about “what might have been.” Some just can’t let go and continue to phone, write and/or meet with other person. In rare situations, these latter behaviors can cross over the line and become unwanted harassment or even stalking.

• Strong and often rapid mood swings that may range from anger at the person to idealized longing for them
• Irritability
• Sadness
• Loneliness
• Appetite and sleeping problems
• Feelings of desperation
• Confusion

You may have had the experience of well-meaning people in your life telling you to, “just get over him/her” and that there are “other fish in the sea,” or even that “he/she wasn’t good enough for you.” Although friends, family or acquaintances may be trying to help you get through this, you may not find their advice or reassurances helpful. You and they might find yourselves becoming frustrated with each other and it may strain an otherwise pleasant relationship. This can lead you to feel even more lonely and isolated.

These kinds of experiences with friends and family can also cause you to be suspicious of counseling services. You may incorrectly think that you will just hear much of the same from the counselor or therapist. Unfortunately, people get very little in the way of useful information regarding how to maintain a healthy love relationship, let alone how to end a relationship or to cope with the ending. Sometimes just having someone to talk to who is trained to know how to listen and ask appropriate questions is exactly what you need. Feeling understood is particularly important, as is having a safe, confidential place to work things through. Asking for assistance when you are feeling overwhelmed is a sign of healthy psychological adjustment. Getting help can make a large difference in how well… and how quickly… you adjust to this challenging transition in your life.

Occasionally it happens that reconciliation is possible. The professional services of a skilled therapist or counselor can help assure that couples who decide to try getting back together have a better chance at maintaining a healthy relationship while getting over difficult or painful events of the past.

• First, our therapist meets with you to learn what the problems you have been experiencing. Your therapist takes a personal history to get to know you and for assessment.
• Next, your therapist works closely with you to design and implement the best treatment program tailored to your unique situation. To expedite the process, you may be asked to complete specialty tests and/or questionnaires. Treatment may involve working on specific skills with other techniques to overcome the adjustment problems.
• You will be provided helpful information and taught new skills. You are very likely to be given assignments to practice at home that are discussed in your sessions.
• As a result of treatment, you can generally expect to recover more quickly from the pain of loss so you can get back to enjoying your life.

Very few of us have been taught how to have a healthy relationship, and few people have the basic knowledge or experiences that help us negotiate the ending of a romantic relationship. Perhaps now is the time to take care of yourself and consult with one of our experts.